Bikes + Snow = Dumbasses.

I am not a winter weather person. I cannot ski and have no desire to learn. I haven’t ice skated in years and probably don’t remember how. Gary always finds a way to throw me in a snowbank, which pisses me off. Clearing snow off of the car is almost as annoying as actually driving in the snow.

But nothing irks me more in the winter than those assholes who decide to ride their bicycles, on MAIN ROADS, when there is snow on the ground.

I am on the firm belief that bicyclists should not be allowed to bike on main roads at ANY time of the year. I simply feel it’s stupid. I know this will piss a lot of people off. I don’t care. You have no business being on the same roads as the big boys and big girls driving…you know…CARS.

I can’t tell you how many times I’m in back of a biker and have to slow down to a snail’s pace because some asshat is swerving around on his Huffy. And these morons think they should be there. No. No you don’t. Why? Because the very second someone in their car accidentally hits you, you are going to sue them for your OWN fucking stupidity. It would be one thing if there were some laws out there that protected drivers from idiot bicyclists’ frivolous lawsuits. But as a (relatively) responsible driver, I shouldn’t be on the hook for your being a dumbass. Now, especially when there are snowbanks the size of bunny hill ski slopes, you bicyclists really need to use some common sense. Driving is difficult enough as it is in the snow, we don’t need to worry about running you dumbasses down, too.

I get it. You just NEED to be physically fit. Fine. I’d rather be a fat ass or run on the treadmill, but to each his own. If you so desperately need to exercise, fine—take your ass to a bike trail and no one will have to worry about bowling you down.

Or perhaps you got your license taken away from one too many DUIs and you think the bike is your only form of transportation. Well, it’s not. You have feet. You can walk. It’s not much better for drivers, but at least you generally have some additional control.

So bicyclists, knock it off. I don’t make enough money to be sued. I’d have to declare bankruptcy. Then again, with the amount of money I owe to credit card companies, maybe you’d be doing me a favor.

But it doesn’t mean you should be an idiot. So stop being an idiot. Drive a car, take the bus, walk, hail a cab, whatever. As much as I hate people, I have no desire to be a giant lesbian’s bitch in prison for running you over. Thanks in advance.

 

This guy is an assclown.

bicyclist

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